Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
