Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
