There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
