I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
