I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
