you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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