how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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