so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
