I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
