DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
