i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
