should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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