I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
