I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
