I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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