Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
