My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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