I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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