Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
