She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
