ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
