How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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