Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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