The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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