i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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