Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
