who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize