her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
