I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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