how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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