I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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