yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
