Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
