stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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