Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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