I just gift wrapped bread.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
