he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
