i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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