My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
