I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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