Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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