i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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