i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
