Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
