So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My friends, they love my intelligence
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
