I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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