I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Who died my cat blue again?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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