someone threw a dead crab at me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize