Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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