I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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