I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
did you just send me my own nude
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
