I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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