I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
