He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
