walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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