david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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