because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize