when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
FUCK WHALES
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
