Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
