I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
