i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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