Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
