I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
