just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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