We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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