I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
