used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
