Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
