I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
