Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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