I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
