she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
